March 19, 2013

BUILDING TRUST BEFORE MEETING IN PERSON

man on laptop screen 500x335 Photoxpress_1371969Your favorite songs: did you first hear them live in concert or as a recording? Your favorite  actors: did you see them live or on a screen?

Maybe your first impression was negative. Songs like Bohemian Rhapsody and Stairway to Heaven might take time to grow on you.

Repetition overcomes initial reactions. As your familiarity grows, doesn’t your desire for a live encounter grow too? The liking starts building trust even though you’ve never met.

Gone

Just because you want to meet someone doesn’t mean you’ll ever get the opportunity. Maybe you’d like to chat with Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, Albert Einstein, Marilyn Monroe, Mark Twain or Steve Jobs. They’re gone but live on because we still see what they did. And what they did mattered.

Easier Than Ever

These days, it’s easier than ever to reach out to people who were inaccessible before. We can follow them on Twitter and if they follow us back, we can send direct messages that might get a response. If they blog, we can leave comments, get known and start a private conversation. Maybe someone in our network can make an introduction.

“Regular” people are easy to reach via a quick web search.

The First Impression

Michael Apted’s Up Series (Wikipedia) says that if you look at a child, you see glimpses of the adult too. The past leaves clues about the future.

When you first meet someone, you see their public face. You can’t trust them unless you’ve seen them online before and they’re congruent with your expectations.

You can have an impact on others in the same way: create an advance expectation that you match in person. To do this, you need content online that improves with time. The visible evolution is important.

Your Body Speaks

Your visible body of work speaks for you when you cannot. If you're invisible, you're at a disadvantage to someone who has the courage and foresight to put themselves on display even when they knew they weren't perfect.

If and when you do meet your “pen pal” in person, you already “know” each other. There’s anticipation and more to talk about. Doesn’t that help solidify a relationship that already started?

Links

PS Live encounters are important but expensive and limiting.

March 5, 2013

WHEN TO HIRE A COACH

time for a coach?
You’re nimble and flexible. You can do much on your own — maybe more than you’d like to do.

Even if you have the time and budget, you can’t outsource everything. For example, you can’t hire anyone to exercise or diet for you. Well, you can but you won’t get results.

Say you want to build trust in our transparent world. You must do the weight lifting yourself. LinkedIn is an essential tool. I’ve shared my best tips via
That's plenty of help but may not be enough. Consider your own goals. You might need more support to reach them.

Personalization

Even solid content needs adjustments to suit your specific situation. Otherwise, you risk looking generic.

You might not know what to do. You might want to save time. Maybe this is when to hire a coach. The right coach makes a big difference. Much of my learning comes from learning, thinking and experimenting. I’ve still used coaches over the years.

Accountability

Habits take time to build. Bad habits take time to vanish.

You might need outside discipline until your new scripts are engrained. I participate in masterminds. A Pick Four goals group may help (and you can start one). A coach is another option.

Independence

When you’re paying for help, look for ways to limit the cost and duration.

As an example, we've been wanting to get physically fit for years. We couldn’t make sense of the conflicting advice and didn’t exercise consistently. At the end of a busy day, pizza has more pull than the gym. Our son is out of town, studying at my alma mater, Western University. He’s taken the initiative to get fit and he
  1. Developed a fitness plan for us
  2. Showed us the exercises
  3. Guided us during  the holidays
We’ve been following the plan regularly for three months. We now have discipline. We no longer need him — but he’s still welcome back home.

If what you’re doing isn’t getting you to your goals, you may need coaching until you’re self-sufficient.

Links

PS There's no shame in using training wheels … as long as you take them off.