Bonding With Nongolfers

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken --- Raymond Floyd

If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with a stick, hit things with a stick. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. --- National Lampoon

Could you last a year without golf? I last played last October on a damp, cold, drizzly afternoon in Deerhurst. Two of the four golfers didn't show. As a host, I didn't have that option.

This year, I managed to miss every golf event. How can that be? Isn't golfing is critical for building relationships? Maybe, but what about nongolfers? You can bond with them while lounging in climate-controlled, UV-protected comfort. How civilized.

What's more, golfers are happy if you don't play if you're lousy. So being a nongolfer can help you bond with golfers too. Your branding doesn't suffer and you avoid three problems with golf:

1. the clothing
   
2. the counting
3. the skill
   

The Clothing
Who would pay money to dress like a golfer? What if someone brought a camera?

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. --- Tiger Woods

Counting
We work with numbers every day. Why have a hobby that requires counting? Or miscounting?

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. --- John Updike

Golf is a game in which you yell Fore, shoot six, and write down five. -- Paul Harvey

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun? --- Bob Hope

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs. --- Henny Youngman

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. --- Joey Adams

Skill
Yes, golf does require skill, which requires practice, which requires more golf. What a vicious cycle. I wonder how many invites I'll get next year.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. --- Phyllis Diller

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. --- Lee Publish PostTrevino

Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players. --- Unknown